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xiaoakhwDate: Sunday, 2013-11-10, 04:20:46 | Message # 1
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This is a poem that seems to have been written after the father in the poem has passed; it reflects on the narrator's realizations that seem to have been discovered too late. By the narrator repeating "What did I know, what did I know," he appears to be admitting he was naive as a child. He did not know how important his father was; he did not know that his father had trouble expressing his feelings and really did love them; he did not know the sacrifices his father made for his family; he did not know that as an adult he would one day finally "know". One gets a sense that in his admission of naivet, he is asking for forgiveness from his father.
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Our protagonist has the thousand yard stare of any Englishman who's pictured the queen naked as he puffs away, oblivious to the world, his skin wan and waxy like so many of his countrymen. But even worse, with each subsequent puff, a malignant, fleshy red tumor pulses and grows out of his cigarette like some kind of dreadful clown penis from a particularly unappealing horror movie that involves tumorous clown penises. Why a clown? Because it makes it sound more disgusting, doesn't it? Like if you had to choose between seeing the tumorous, pulsing penis of an accountant and the tumorous, pulsing penis of a clown, you'd totally go accountant, because you'd know that if you looked up, if you dared raise your eyes for one awful moment, the accountant would be looking down and weeping softly, but the clown . the goddamn clown would be looking back at you. And he'd smile. And in that very moment, your entire brain would be reduced to so much pudding. Goddamn custard.
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